Saturday, April 29, 2006

Keith Richards Hospitalized in New Zealand

Just a few days after my interview with Keith Richards, he had the media say he fell out of a palm tree, injuring himself, as in, he is alive. Dead people don't injure themselves, since afterall, they ARE dead. Just another show of pull from one of the richest dead men in the world.

Look at the left side of Keith's jaw (or right side, camera view). You can perfectly tell his flesh is glued to his face, as it was announced by one of his bodyguards that a piece actually fell off when he passed out in a ditchline. The fly bites soon turned to gangrene which left his face all disfigured. It's a well known fact that dead men don't grow tissue, which made it quiet hard for surgeons frome the American Surgeon Alliance to regenerate his dead flesh. It was leaked by a press agent that pieces of skin left over from a Michael Jackson incident were used in trying to persue the correct tone and structure. Actually, Michaels skin was a bit too light.

Take a look at that dye job. Especially, take a look at that hairline. Richard's ex-wife blurbed in an interview on a local television station that Keith had went bald not long after he died. What we acually see is surgically implanted gorilla hair, combed and thinned to look as if he had a full head of hair all along. It certainly beats looking at the mushy decaying glob on the ide of his forehead, caused from passing out for twenty-four hours with his head leaned back in his reclining chair. When one dies, the point of contact becomes amongst the first of the bodyparts to decay, coagulating blood into one spot. It's reported that Richards don't stay at home one hundred days out of the year, but in a secret room guarded by L Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise in the basement of their church of scientology. Supposedly, they sit Indian style, praying to their solar god xenu to allow Richards to decay more slowly, so he can make some more money from he being convinced by Cruise and Hubbard that he can pay them for letting him live.

It's Curtains for you

I remember back in the early 80's, sitting at my friends house on a Saturday evening. We were around the age of eight and just exploring the gruesome world of the horror film. It just so happened that my friends older brother had rented Canada's 'little mess' called 'Curtains'. It's an artsy version of the slasher flick, embedded with sophisticated performances by John Vernon and Samantha Eggar.
Johnathan Stryker, a smooth talking director, is holding auditions at his mansion for the part of Audra, a film of the same name. It just so happes that Samantha Sherwood is an aging actress, and isn't quiet nailing her performance as Audra. Like most method actors, she's stark raving mad to begin with, and carves it in stone when she and Stryker come up with a cynnical plan. The plan is to have Sherwood locked up in a mental institution, so she can grasp the schizophrenic tendacies of her character first hand. They stage a little act while she is being evaluated, grabbing a pencil and pretending to stab the doctor. She's quickly ushered off by a group of orderlies and locked away in the institution. Stryker must have forgotten to discuss the fact that he had no intentions of ever getting Samantha out, which gives prelude to showdown to come.
It's finally time. Five or six young up and comers make their way through the snowy highways to Strykers villa. It just so happens that one of the females didn't make it.
What ensues is a revenge/love tale, polished off by Strykers smooth woman-bedding performance, and Eggars classy delivery. We're treated with a side dish of a few great kills scenes, one of them being one of the most memorable from any slasher film. One of the actresses is ice skating on a pond when someone in an old hag mask, all dressed in black, skates furiously toward our, with a very large schithe in hand. This is one of the truly scarier moments in slasher filmdom. Who's killing our houseful of actresses willing to do anything to get the part of Audra? Is it Samantha Sherwood, back from the institution to seek bloody revenge against the actresses who stole her part as Audra -and- Johnathan Stryker for being the sleazebag he is? Weave through all the artsy fartsy set pieces and classy performances and what you have is the skeletal remains of a good slasher film.
Richard Ciupka ultimately used the psuedonym, Johnathan Stryker - I guess it is no coincidence that John Vernon's character is of the same name. This should be a tell tale sign that the movie was riddled with problems, and indeed it was, taking quiet a long time to complete - with reshooting and all that.
Not a bad time waster with a few good slasher-esque moments.

The Dorm That Dripped Blood

The Dorm That Dripped Blood is one of those films that will slip by you if you aren't careful. I actualy had the pleasure of watching this when I was in the sixth grade, back in 1988. The television I viewed it on had a flaw in the contrast toggle, making the viewing experience quiet dark. I could see what was going on for the most part, but since most of the film consisted of the dark corridors of Meadows Hall, it was hard to make out certain scenes.
I finally got around to ordering a mint condition Media version vhs of The Dorm That Dripped Blood, off eBay some years back. Upon my second time watching it, I was quiet surprised - especially since two directors - Stephen Carpenter and Jeff Obrow helmed the film. Usually, when it takes two directors to finish a film, it's bad news.
Anyway, we start off with some lone guy (that has nothing to do whatsoever with the rest of the film) running and hiding from this sinnister force that's chasing him. He stops behind some bushes to catch his breath and from out of the darkness, someone lashes at him with a kinife, slicing his hand in two. We're soon succumbed to the highest pitched stacattos I've ever heard.
We're soon taken to a party where it's evident that Joanne's boyfriend is going away for a few weeks on a skiing trip with his buddy. Joanne has to stay behind in her obligation of heading a crew whose job it is to take inventory of all the remaining junk from Meadows Hall - A dorm that's in line to be demolished.
We've got a pretty boring clan, but are soon introduced to red herring #1, John Hemmit, played by Woody Roll. He's a severly fuzzy headed hermit who's using the confines of the dorm as shelter. He's a pretty interesting character to say the least. And we have Bobby Lee Tremble - as junk euntrapeneur(sp). He gets the hots for Joanne while picking up a load of inventory, but Joanne is already sweet on Brian, one of her coworkers, torn between her boyfriend and this puppy love she's feeling for Brian. Finally, there's Craig. He's quiet the ancy little fellow with an attitude. He and Brian don't see eye to eye on alot of issues and it's soon made clear.
We get a litle early cameo from Melrose Places Daphne Zuniga. She had gained much more experience by the time her 1984 release of 'The Initiation' came out.
We really have no backstory, just someone offing the group one by one with a plethora of weapons - one of the two most memorable being a Groen pressure cooker and a baseball bat with barbed wire wrapped around it. Of course, he used a few simple methods as well. He simply choked one victim to death by easily opening the door and quietly sneaking into her back seat. He gets lazy and just backs over one victim with a car after she passes out from seeing her maimed father and choked-to-death mother.
The whole film has this certain chlosterphobic element about it that draws you in. I'm not trying to give it more credit than it's due, but it's a very good little slasher attempt. The camera-work can look amateurish at times, but the directors make up for this by actually going hard at the storyline, hardballing it until the end - no exeptions. We get a very twisted ending that I truly never saw coming. If you're looking for a slasher film with alot of heart and decent delivery, especially in reguards to the kills and the variety thereof, check out The Dorm That Dripped Blood.

Friday, April 28, 2006

The Redeemer -aka- Class Reunion Massacre

I've been a huge fan of the almost forgotten early slasher film of the 70's. Released in 1976, Class Reunion Massacre (the video release) AKA: The Redeemer (theatrical release) takes a ballsy approach at the religous theme, entwining it with slasheresque moments - giving us the elemental 'revenge motive' at the end.
A short dumpy kid rises from a lake, fist in air, as in some triumphant mode. He makes his way through the water, to the banks of the quarry and ends up at the home of a sleeping preacher. During this little scene, we see something of a transformation. The kid simply transfers his third thumb, to the hand of our preacher. Yeah, the kid has a third thumb - which stated by TG Finkbinder (the redeemer) was an ''epifany'' by Directo Constantine S Gochis in has backyard one evening. He also stated that Gochis consumed a case of beer everyday while on the set, which may say something about the whole feel of the movie.
We're soon taken back to the kid. His clothes are soon dry and he finds hiself waiting on a blue and white church bus to pick him up. He end up at the church, where soon, we find out he's a choir boy - but - not before being harrassed by the local bully, simply because he didn't laugh at his whore/sailor joke. The kid gets a knife blade pressed against his neck, just as the church bell ques the choir boys to their positions in the church.
It's not long before the preacher pounds his fists and spouts out dogmatic religous jargon, all the while, being taken to the lives of six ordinary individuals, albeit evil in the eyes of our preacher. By some truly good editing, we step back and forth between the lives of these people, showing us what kind of supposedly evil people they are - an actor who is vanity laiden, a lawyer who cares about nothing but the dollar, a lesbian, a rich bitch who shoots live doves for sport, a fat glutton who likes to call the son of his new fling a 'little bastard', and a seemingly innocent lady who has incidently been married and divorced a few times. Even tho a few of the characters were assholes, they certainly weren't worthy of the barbaric deaths they endured.
Anyway, these people represent a portion of the seven deadly sins. The preacher marveously sets up a faux class reunion, only inviting the six aforementioned individuals. The seventh deadly sin, to my knowledge, comes right before the caretaker of the school is killed by The Redeemer. He was a semi-crippled man who denied the redeemer's help on his request to help him pick up his keys. Evidently, the preacher or 'the redeemer' saw this as 'pride', and shot the bastard cold dead.
Soon, the six former highschool students (who must have been good friends) make it to the old highschool, which looks deserted from the get-go. They are soon let in my the redeemer, disguised as the caretaker. He seems immune to the fact that a class reunion is going to take place, even tho there's a huge banner overtop the threshold that states "Class of 67'.
They're in side, but everything is missing. All the trophies which helped the fat glutton remember the days when he was a popular jock, not an overweight prick. The whole place is deserted, but the sound of music and the smell of food lures the crew to the cafateria where a meal fit for three kings sits, waiting on the crew to dig in. There's a really cool shot that has everyone sitting horizontally behind the table, reminiscent of of 'The Last Supper'.
To make a long story short, the redeemer offs the crew, using their daily life rituals as a crutch to murder them....for instance, the glutton is baked by fire just like the food he eats. The make-up wearing divorcee is drowned in a sink bowl. A statement on her jezabell ways. A lawyer is forced to shoot himself in the head, making it look like suicide. The actor is offed by way of huge schimitar directly though the top of his skull as he seemingly becomes furious at the fact that the redeemer is doing this weird Shakesperian gig, taking the spotlight away from himself.
Anyway, the crew are dispatched one by one as mentioned earlier. The redeemer looses his third thumb after redeeming himself from the murders and the kid returns back to the lake, to sink beneath the watery depths once again. - but - not before killing the bully who harrasses him during the beginning of the film.
This is one of the best pre-'Halloween' era slashers ever made. I was shocked at how good this film was. It does have its flaws, but not many by comparison to the other trash that polluted the silver screens in the 80's. It has gained some popularity as of late, as Code Red dvd plans of putting out a special edition dvd of this. Incidently, I did an interview with the star of the film, TG Finkbinder, which is placed on my good friend Dusk's site. Below is the link:

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4: Satire of the World Today

Just recently, I braved the waters once again and decided to give Kim Henkel's TCM: The Next Generation another go 'round. I hated this movie from the time I saw it back on video in '97. (Except for Mathew Mconaghey and his insanely brilliant performance) I had always despised Robert Jacks portrayal of Leatherface, turning him from a sadistic madman with no identity, into a screaming, whimpering shell of his former self. Leatherface's sexual identity crisis must have gotten worse over the years, since he has a pension for wearing beautiful dresses, velvety wigs and too much rouge. I simply never got the message until this last viewing.
I've been doing alot of research on 'The Illuminati' over the past two years. I've done extensive research, many hours behind the computer and pages of a books, trying to decipher the worlds mystery and the conspiracies and events that this 'Illuminati' group want to spawn.
If I were to go into detail (for those of you not in the know of just what the Illuminati is), trying to describe to you exactly what it is, but it's a subject better read and propelled from the lips in the form of answers. To keep myself from being labeled a mad paranoid idiot, I'm steering clear.
Anyway, TCM 4 is chock full of NWO (New World Order) and occultic symbolism, starting with Leatherface himself. As the world is slowly turned into a genderless society, angry and confused at simply not knowing who they are, Leatherface represents these people, angry and confused, lashing out with his chainsaw. Vilmer, who has an electronic brace on his leg, has more remote controls than everyone in New York combined, and loves to take his sick agression out on a group of teenagers - having no compassion for them whatsoever. Vilmer represents the society today controlled by the media. He represents all the couch potatoes, force fed garbage and only what mediated venues allows him to hear. Again, he's angry, murderous and abusive, taking his agressions out on his wife because of the stress of his job. The big breasted lady is just that. She plays a good looking woman who has obviously been pumped up in the boob department and injected with some collagen in the lips. She's the faceless woman, fake, molded into plastic, sex object and represents the plastic faced actresses and artificial porn star.
The whole film and its different array of characters represent different classes in th world, being controlled by this murderous, albeit wealthy man in a black limousine. This rich sadistic man who has ordered the 'Sawyer Family' to inflict as much pain on their victims as possible and to ultimately 'show them the true meaning of horror', represents the rich politicians and sadistic occultic leadership that makes up the 'Illumnist's' - Who ultimately own everything and infiltrate the minds of the world with so much fear and corruption, we'll be like sheep to the slaughter during the formation of the new world order.
Kim Henkel is one of my new favorite directors, even tho the conspiracist may not enjoy it.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Asia? Dario? Who can tell?

I've been noticed alot lately that Italian starlet Asia Argento, looks more and more like her giallo making father, Dario Argento. This is definitly not a good thing.

Keith Richards: Dead/Alive all those years

Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones actually died sometime back, but he still enjoys main-lining now and again. I was able to sit down with him for an interview, but it tended to drag when parts of Keith Richards kept falling off.
When I asked him how he liked being dead, he simply stated that "It's like being in The Village People instead of the Stones. I shoot so much heroine, that I can actually deal with the fact that I'm dead".
To be honest, I thought Richards looked pretty good during the interview. When asked what he did to keep himself half alive all those years, he said: "To be honest, if not for the heroine, sex and alcohol, I could have never accomplished this. I give thanks to all the illegal opium farmers who have built cities because of my habit."
I thought that was a pretty fair statement, coming from a dead man.
During the end of the interview, I asked him if and when he was going to tour with the Stones again,. he had this to say,: "Jagger is a little pussy. Just because I'm dead, Micky won't allow me to perform with the band anymore. I don't see what the problem is"
Me either, Keith. Face the facts Mick, if not for Richard's 'dead-on' guitar licks, you would still be selling your ass for heroine. Because of Keith, you're able to buy it with your own money. Big Lips. PHBBTT!

Horror Movie Suggestions

I've been on a real horror binge lately. I've dug around the dung pile and picked out a few golden peanuts.

While not one of the most exciting films ever made, Satan's Blade, an early 80's slasher attempt does deliver on tension and atmosphere - in some respects. I picked this up at a ma and pa video store in the big box.

Let's just say that some people go to a cabin in the snowy taundra of some Northwestern territory, where, you guessed it, someone does away with them one by one. What sets this apart from other slashers is the seriousness behind the film. Let's face it, it's hard to take many early slasher films at face value, but this one has the one cent mark on it that makes it not TOTALLY worthless. A dark damp atmosphere, with a surprise beginning and a twist ending that I NEVER saw coming. If you're in it for a more boring version of certain 'Halloween' moments, check it out. I won't promise that you'll fully enjoy it, but you'll agree, if you're a fan of horror cinema, it does deliver on some levels.

Another movie that has always been a favorite of mine is American Gothic. A Canadian movie (odd for the title), it doses out that frigid lonely Canadian feel that i love from Canadian Slashers. A group of friends take their small plane to an island for some fun after one of the members gets out of the hospital from a nervous breakdown. The plane malfunctions and everyone is stranded. They roam the damp area until they run upon an old house. They simply go inside, make themselves at home - rummaging through their things, listening to an ancient phonograph and glimpsing at issues of The Saturday Evening Post. It's safe to say no one has been home for a while, but soon, like always, the owners return. Needless to say, it looks as if they would have been upset, but instead, the old couple played marvelously by Rod Steiger and Yvonne DeCarlo, invite them to stay until help arrives.
Things start getting stranger and stranger as the old couple introduce to the crew their children. The thing is, these people aren't children, but well into their fourties. They behave, dress, talk and act like children - playing jumprope, cowboys and indians, etc.
What we get is evidence that ma and pa and the 'kids' are a deranged group if incestuous religous fanatics who are hell bent on ridding their area of evil doers.
This is probably one of the weirdest horror films I've ever seen. If by some chance you guys haven't seen it, check it out.

Croation 'Dracula' Revived to Lure Tourists

This is probably one of the most desperate attempts at gaining tourisim that I've ever seen.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The Dead Next Door

Once in a while we run into a gem of cinematic genius that leaves us with a lasting impression. One mention is J.R. Bookwalter's The Dead Next Door. I had heard good things about the film, but decided to buy it sometime back. I managed to pick up the Anchor Bay special edition that is packed with killer extra's.
Anyway, with obvious homages to Romero's Dawn of the Dead and Creepshow, and even Raimi's The Evil Dead, The Dead Nextdoor delivers on the gore and storyline. We have a zombie outbreak where bleeding hearts and a religous cult are trying to protect the zombies and induct them into a post apocalyptic army of sorts. There's a little more to the story, but the whole thing reminds me of things happening in the world today
We are the dead next door. We are zombies in a world of corruption, cruelty and lies - Being force fed cryptic Christianity of Christian netorks, zany preachers and gurus spouting out jargon similiar to the occultic trash from our deranged religous leader in 'Dead Next Door'.
We are a world longing for a saviour, but don't have the guts or are ashamed to believe. We know we're sinking in a quagmire of skeletal remains, with no way of ever climbing out, understanding we're dying as a nation and world, but like always, man has the answer. We can believe in evolution, the fact that animals just simply grow new body parts over time- We can cheer for the actor who believes in his occultic god Xenu - We laugh at anti Christian jokes, but conceive satanic practices as everyday normality - but - we can't believe in a God actually creating us. The whole idea of evolution is ludicrous. A belief that the world just simply evolved from nothing, into an overloaded glob of gumbo is ridiculous. That's not different than saying that a tornado can pass through a jnk yard and whip together a functioning 747 Jetliner. Bullshit.
It's time we stop being zombies, forcefed daily garbage in the form of nightly news. It's time we stop letting the media tell us what's right and what's wrong.

Roger DeMarco - Afghan Prince

Anyone who's a fan of the horror film will recognize the name Roger DeMarco (Scott Reiniger). I just found out a bit of news that's been around for awhile now. It just so happens that his great great grandfather was the first American to set foot on Afghan soil. According to a treaty he signed, his heirs are granted the title Prince of Ghor. Anyway, here's the link:

Japanese-horror director: H'wood 'short of good ideas

I couldn't agree more. With all the remakes, its almost hard to remember a time when something truly original was made. They just don't make them like they used to. Instead of remaking classic films, why not just steal the formula, ala -80's slasher era, use nobody actors, spend the extra money on prosthetics, bring back the synth score - be done with it.
Eli Roth and Rob Zombie are new beacons in the horror world. Anyway, below is a link to an interview with Takashi Shimizu on his likes of the remake, because lets face it, they've made him rich - but also his dislikes, like the films coming back to haunt him.

Divisions 'could tear UN apart'

Now, this is what I like to hear. The United Nations (as well as the former League of Nations) is nothing but a starting point for a one world goverment. The UN is all about unifying the global economy and forcing upon us a one world religion. We are also either to swear our allegance to this one world totalitarian goverment, or simply not eat. As the Christian faith believes, it's not in the best interest to take the mark of the beast, being the 'mark of a man' - six hundred three score and six - 666. Personally, I think the beast is a system - the beast of Revelations and the antichrist being two different people.
Anyway, thwarting any further discussion on end times, here is a bit of good news that can shed a glimmer of hope for just a few years longer.

Here's the link to the article:

Mining and Massacres

My father has been in the coal mining industry since his 18th birthday. He has spent almost fourty years of his life, underground, working and slaving, breaking his bones and his back for the sake of the hard earned dollar. Needless to say, he's pretty much climbed the corporate ladder (an irony in the coal business) and is making tons of bucks. I've been around the mining business all my life. I grew up around coal miners in their dark blue jumpsuits and mining clothes - the hard hats, the resperators, knee pads, and all the mining slang and black faces to go along with it. Seeing my dad writher in pain from over exhurtion from crawling around in a 25 inch crawlspace for twelve hours at a time was more than enough to detour me away from ever stepping foot in a coal mine as a profession. I took the easy way out and found jobs paying good bucks while sitting flat on my ass. I'm not a lazy person, but a relaxed person. Anyway, there has always been one movie that strikes home in reguards to this. Yep. It's a slasher movie. You've probably already guessed I'm referring to George Mihalka's 1981 cut to shreds slasher, My Bloody Valentine.
Even tho Canadian, miners partying and smoking dope on the weekends was exactly how it was here in the states. I remember many Saturday nights as a kid excited by a livingroom full of mom and dad's friends, drinking and smoking, talking about mining and using as much profanity as possible. I loved it. For the most part, the portrayal of the miners in MBV is right on the money - the spats over women and all.
Paramount, the creators of the famed Friday the 13th series had MBV chopped to bits upon its theatrical release. All the blood and gore is completely removed. Aside from this, this is still the perfect slasher film. The small mining town was right on the money. The setting of the mine was a perfect location to film a slasher film - dark, dank and chlosterphobic.
The story is simple, really. A couple of supervisors leave five men underground by themselves because they're anxious to get to the towns Valentine party. They forgot to check the methane levels and BOOM! The mine explodes, leaving one lone survivor, Harry Warden, sitting in rubble, feasting on the leg of one of his co-workers. Well, guees who supposedly comes back to town?
There's a certain comedic element, or comic book feel to it that really levels out the playing field. Good characters, good dialogue and some very tense kill scenes, despite the choppy edits. Everytime I watch this, I'm waiting for dad to call from the mine and explain how the men got hacked up by some crazed lunatic carrying a pick-axe.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Terror Train

I ordered the Terror Train dvd off the net sometime back and was quiet satisfied with the quality, but was disapointed that there were hardly an extra's - I think we get a trailer, however. This one ranks right up there as one of my favorite slashers. There's just something about Canadian slasher films that I absolutely crave. I think it's the frigid atmosphere.
Jamie Lee Curtis again plays our climatic heroine, belting out two ten thousand dollar screams in an onvious 'contract' with the filmmakers to give two of her best lung tremors. Anyway, Doc (named fittingly because he's a pre-med student) is a practical jokester. He likes to get a kick from other peoples expenses. Kenny is a nerd who wants to join Doc's fraternity. Let's just say that the prank goes wrong, sending this poor kids mind back to the crazy box it came out of. You can pretty much guess what happens next. We roll a few years down the road, there's a party on a train celebrating the end of the semester - and - guess who shows up? I'm not telling We get a pretty good hack n slash feature with a smothering atmosphere. The train setting is absolutely chlosterphobic - in a good way. We have a couple great characters, 'The Conductor', to name one, played by AA winner Ben Johnson. Even tho Doc is an ass, I liked his character for some odd reason. Some of you may know him also as the professor in Urban Legends 2. (Hart Bochner)
There's a cool, but sometimes irritating magic show from nonother than David Copperfield himself, lasting for what seems like hours. Another thing I thought was cool was the way the killer changes into the costume of his last victim In other words, this is a great time waster if you're a fan of the slasher.

Not to get too long winded as I'm ever so capable of doing, the name 'Terror Train' strikes a chord within me. I've often wondered why terrorists haven't used a suicide bomber on one of America's transits? It's a very likely scenerio and more than likely will happen to some degree involving some form of grounded public transportation in the future. Train stations aren't that well protected in terms of security and more ought to be done to reform this. Anyway, watch the movie before you have to watch it on the news.

The next Hitler?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - The guy is either a complete Zionist hater with an agenda that calls for the complete destruction of Israel, or he's a liar who's just trying to use hardcore rhetoric to frighten the U.S. Either way, i think the guy should be assasinated. Yeah, Pat Robertson would be proud, but here's a case for lagitmit cause. The guy has publicly denied the holocaust and called for Israel 'To be erased from the map'. If the guy had the means, there's no doubt in my mind he would use nuclear weapons against Israel. Only time will tell whether or not we will go to Iran or use sanctions through the UN. Personally, I think the UN is useless and should be dismantled. If there was ever a chance for a totalitarian world goverment, leaving the UN in power would be a starting point.

Paul Partain (TCM '74 review)

Back in 2002, I conducted an interview with Paul Partain (Franklin) from 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. Justin, from Hysteria-Lives!, was gracious enough to post the interview on his awesome slasher related website. Not only that, he allowed me to have my review of TCM posted on the site as well. Hats off to Justin.
Dig around the site and check out the interview and the review. Once again, thanks Justin.